66 Months

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Yesterday we reached another milestone, 5.5 years since the day Sam died. 66 months. That seems like such a long time.

As I have said before, I rationally know that one day shouldn’t hurt more than any other, but I fully admit that I cried as I drove to work yesterday. 66 months. 5 years, six months. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

Each time we hit one of these milestones, I try to reflect on what I have learned, and remember to be grateful for the good things. So here it goes:

  • I have learned that we are stronger than we ever knew. Those first days, I thought it might break us all. Not only have we not broken, we have found inner strength that I didn’t know we had.
  • That inner strength shows in so many ways. Yes, I wrote a book about my grief, but I have watched my husband, our children, our parents, and our closest friends come to my book events and support me, even as they smile through their tears. When I decided to write this book, I made my own decision, but wasn’t always cognizant that I was asking all of them to go along on my journey. Their strength inspires me daily.
  • As I’ve said before, I have learned that love doesn’t die when a heart stops beating. I can feel Sam’s love for all of us on a daily basis.
  • There have been days when I have lamented that people I thought would be there for us, haven’t been. Instead, I want to focus on the amazing number of people who have stepped forward, out of their comfort zones, to surround us with love.
  • I have learned that living life with a “Do a Sam” view is a great way to live.

And gratitude? I am thankful for our families, our friends, our creatures, our gardens, the beauty of Vermont, our health, our sense of humor, our love of music, our creativity. I am thankful for all the people who support and celebrate our journey.

More than anything, I am thankful for those who love Sam and keep his memory alive, and I am thankful for the new people who are getting to know him through the book.

66 months.

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