This week has started somewhat strangely. Huge ups of the joy and wonder of seeing my novels showing growing sales. The joys of being featured on two blogs/websites:
Then, the joy of the sense of accomplishment as the first round of queries for Of Grief, Garlic and Gratitude went out into the universe. Writing a non-fiction query is different than one for a novel, and frankly, there obviously also is the very deep emotional piece to this memoir. Then, immediately getting interest from an agent and a publisher (just interest, not offers or a contract, but requests for more samples), that was a joy.
Seeing the seedling grow, especially Sam’s hot pepper plants, is a joy. Getting the bee equipment ready for another season, a joy. The garlic shoots poking through the straw mulch, a total and complete joy.
April 9th, not so much of a joy. Four and a half years ago, exactly, we lost Sam. The thing about anniversaries and milestones is that I know logically that one date/day shouldn’t matter any more than another, but the milestones still kick me in the head and heart, make it hard to breathe, make me struggle to think in a positive way about much of anything. And I admit, hitting 4 1/2 years reminds me that the 5 year anniversary is coming, and that terrifies me. I know that I shouldn’t be starting to worry about how much that anniversary will hurt, but I am. I know that I have been scared of other milestones before, and gotten through them, and I know I will this one too, but still, it is looming out there.
So, it’s only Tuesday, and it already has been a powerfully emotional week. I guess it may be time to sit and count the joys again for a while.
One thought on “The Ups and Downs”
I am so sorry for your loss. You are doing the right thing by writing about Sam. It may not feel like it’s helping but it is. Someday, if you feel up to it, please share a story about Sam that makes you smile. We would love to read it.