This week has started somewhat strangely. Huge ups of the joy and wonder of seeing my novels showing growing sales. The joys of being featured on two blogs/websites:
Then, the joy of the sense of accomplishment as the first round of queries for Of Grief, Garlic and Gratitude went out into the universe. Writing a non-fiction query is different than one for a novel, and frankly, there obviously also is the very deep emotional piece to this memoir. Then, immediately getting interest from an agent and a publisher (just interest, not offers or a contract, but requests for more samples), that was a joy.
Seeing the seedling grow, especially Sam’s hot pepper plants, is a joy. Getting the bee equipment ready for another season, a joy. The garlic shoots poking through the straw mulch, a total and complete joy.
April 9th, not so much of a joy. Four and a half years ago, exactly, we lost Sam. The thing about anniversaries and milestones is that I know logically that one date/day shouldn’t matter any more than another, but the milestones still kick me in the head and heart, make it hard to breathe, make me struggle to think in a positive way about much of anything. And I admit, hitting 4 1/2 years reminds me that the 5 year anniversary is coming, and that terrifies me. I know that I shouldn’t be starting to worry about how much that anniversary will hurt, but I am. I know that I have been scared of other milestones before, and gotten through them, and I know I will this one too, but still, it is looming out there.
So, it’s only Tuesday, and it already has been a powerfully emotional week. I guess it may be time to sit and count the joys again for a while.